Long time no blog..
Wow amazing how much can happen in a little over 7 months. Where has the time gone? In my last post I opened up about my night of drinking. My self destruction didn’t end there. I ended up relapsing on drugs again too. I just wanted the pain to be gone. In the middle of February I put myself back into treatment. I was there for eight weeks and left with a positive attitude and more tools in my tool kit. Transitioning wasn’t that easy this time around. I went back to work, got back into the gym, went to my meetings and was going to counseling weekly. Something was missing though. I felt alone in a world where there are so many people. At the end of May I made a big move and moved into the city. Not a huge move, but great for me because it’s closer to work. I was here for a little over a month when the loneliness and depression got to be too much. I sought out drugs once again. June 21st is when I started using again. That leads me to now. Still using. This is the longest stretch of use I’ve ever had. All my “not yets” have now happened. Such as injecting the drugs. At some moments life doesn’t feel real. I have a great job, my own vehicle and my own apartment. I have no complaints about my life. Except for the darkness that I feel inside. It hurts. It’s hard to explain unless you’ve been there. Then you’d know what I mean. It goes wherever I go. I’m not sure how much more I can handle.