Pain and holding on to hope..

A friend of mine just confided in me and told me she's been having suicidal thoughts. It makes me sad to know she is going through so much pain. I'm happy though that she is reaching out. For me personally that has always been hard for me. It really makes my heart heavy though when I know others are hurting. The other day a guy jumped off the bridge that is right by work. I don't know exactly his the thoughts he was having, but I've been suicidal many times and know the pain of not wanting to be here. Just wanting the pain to be gone.

No matter what kind of pain we are dealing with it's never easy. In my past I did everything I could to avoid the pain. I used drugs, self harmed and even attempted suicide myself. It took many years of all of that to finally learn some positive coping skills for the negative feelings that come up in life.

I understand how hard it is though in the midst of the moment. It's hard to see any positive when all we see is darkness.

I went through some really dark days in August. It had been a long time. I was going through some relationship problems that left me feeling rejected and not good enough. Two of my biggest triggers for me to want to use drugs, self harm and even at times think that life wasn't worth living. During those few days my thoughts were crazy. I wanted to escape so badly. The good news is that I didn't do anything negative. I slept for pretty much a day and a half. Then forced myself to get out and keep the appointments I had. I still felt the pain, but the more I took care of me and worked on changing my thoughts the better I felt. I used opposite action to get through those days. I did the opposite of what my mind was telling me to do. Man it wasn't easy. Who wants to face the day when you feel so crappy? Baby steps it was though!

I'm holding on to H.O.P.E these days.. knowing that it does pass. (Hold On Pain Ends)

As far as my friend goes I will be there for her unconditionally. I may not be able to take her pain away, but I can talk with her, be there for her and tell her she is worth being here!

We are all worth it!