Wanting to give up and give in..

First it was just thoughts of using. Usually at that stage the thoughts will quickly go, but this time I became obsessed with thinking about the drugs. Reliving the good times I had. Now I'm craving like crazy.

I've talked to my counselor and opened up to some friends in my meetings last night about my thoughts of using. I'm trying to use my tools, but feel like my mind is going crazy right now. Racing thoughts, roller coaster of emotions. I feel alone in a world full of people.

When I got clean again in May I had deleted everyone's number that was associated with my use. The drugs are so easy to get though and I've found a connection. I'm supposed to meet them after work.

I'm rambling at this point.. I better go.